Let's find out together, in this review of Neko Secret Room, why this title is one of the few (or maybe not ...) that you must definitely avoid in the Nintendo Switch catalog
Videogame is something that, in a variable way from person to person, has accompanied the life of almost all those who follow our pages. There have been video games that have changed our vision of reality, posing strong and important questions, others that simply entertained us for a few hours, others that have posed us more or less satisfying challenges to overcome. In some cases, however, it happened to be faced with insufficient qualifications, for various reasons. And in very rare and unpleasant moments, we happened to think "Oh my, but this is the worst game I've ever tried!". Well, whatever that title was, we assure you that you haven't seen anything.
Neko Secret Room is a… “video game” originally released in September 2021 on PC and recently arrived on Nintendo Switch. If you look for something on the net, you will find that it is classified by the most famous search engines as a "Puzzle Game". We could easily define it as a Puzzle Game, that's for sure, but how much puzzle it can be ... we'll let you decide. The next step is to find out how the heck do you write a review of Neko Secret Room. Let's arm ourselves with patience, and let's get started.
"All the characters portrayed are of age" ceeeeerto!
We are certainly not the most well-stocked portal in this regard, but we have covered some Ecchi titles over the past years here on {marca_origen}. Two come to mind, both brought to the west by an excellent localization of eastasiasoft, which also took care of the Neko Secret Room, but in those cases we had a much more oriented development house: Compile Heart. Moero Crystal H and Seven Pirates H are the transpositions on Nintendo Switch of two JRPGs of an "Ecchi" nature that certainly do not shine for quality, but who have been able to entertain us for several hours.
When we approached Neko Secret Room we did it with the curiosity of those who did not know in the least what they were going to meet. It all starts with a "Neko Girl" who sneaks into the "secret room" of someone she knows. In short, an infringement with cat ears, nothing so "secret" or mysterious. Once inside the room you can do four things in total: the first, the most significant, is to dance. There will be no QTEs or any kind of interaction, you can simply follow your Neko Girl's rather low-quality moves as she squirms to the beat of the music.
Angry darts | Recensione Neko Secret Room
The second is to play darts. Here is the first Neko Secret Room minigame, a Darts Game with controls impossible to tame and a practically unbeatable AI that will defeat you in two hands. If by pure chance you manage to win you will not get any kind of reward, if not a sober "You Win" on the screen and the possibility to start over and go back to taking blows. The third way that you can take advantage of to spend time with your Neko Girl is to personalize her in the bathroom, changing her appearance as she pleases.
The depth of these mechanics reaches its peak by interacting with the PC present in the Secret Room. Inside we will find two separate folders that contain several images of girls in somewhat… unnatural poses, to put it mildly. Starting the puzzle, these images will be broken down into many small squares and it will be our task to put them back together. Once the photo is complete, the next level will unlock where the girl will have her breasts in the air, but there will be more squares to make up the puzzle. In the third step, which increases the "difficulty" even more, the girl will be completely naked.
Ecchi low cost | Neko Secret Room Review
For logistical reasons (the bad editor-in-chief who doesn't even write “boobs” in this kind of reviews - ed) we can't show you the final nude pics, but in the end you got the spirit of Neko Secret Room right. And if we could stop here with his review it wouldn't even be as drastic as the situation: a bad video game, born simply to tease Ecchi and Hentai fans who, at little cost and effort, can have fun with some cute anime girl images. But no.
The Neko Secret Room puzzles are also complicated to complete, if by "complicated" we can also mean "unnecessarily frustrating". Especially in levels two and three of each photo, we found ourselves inundated with pieces of sky, trees or buildings (and in general whatever the background of the photo, not the protagonist girl) that are practically all identical to each other, and therefore practically impossible to distinguish. Added to this is the impossibility of deselecting the pieces of the puzzle using the Joycons (which often made us move pieces without having the intention), a factor that makes it essential to "play" in Neko Secret Room exclusively with touch controls.
Classy! | Recensione Neko Secret Room
The mental frustration is amplified even more considering that the photos of the girls are not even all that great: the poses seem so forced to be "forced" and the subsequent levels, which undress the girls, I'm not "sexy" in any way, because the poses are always the same, only the girls are naked. Wow, what a class.
Everything is seasoned with a bad technical and graphic realization, an annoying soundtrack to say the least (we played it silent after the first hour, just to be clear) and a sense of total dissatisfaction and "but what am I doing with my life”At the end of the third completed photo. If you really want to get something like that, on Steam there is the sequel (apparently), called Neko Secret: Homecoming. At least it has some more decent sprites.
A big big no
We didn't know what to write in this Neko Secret Room review and, at the end, we can only tell you: no. Don't do it, don't buy it, it makes no sense to exist. An inconsistent puzzle game, which would like to target that slice of the public passionate about Ecchi and Hentai, but fails miserably with frustrating and inconclusive puzzles. Too bad, if you find it by chance in your hands, you can think of spending hours getting kicked by the AI in the game of darts. Each has its own tastes.
Neko Secret Room is currently available on PC and Nintendo Switch. Let us know if you had the courage or the inexperience to buy it below in the comments, we will continue to keep you updated with all the news, guides and reviews on videogame and tech! And if you are interested in game keys at affordable prices, we recommend that you take a look at the InstantGaming catalog!
2 A big, big NO!Points in favor
- "Hard" to find
Points against
- Inconsistent and frustrating puzzles
- Low quality in its very existence
- Inconclusive
