Why haven't I written any more? An open letter to writing and my passion for video games, a letter that smells of sincerity
How long has it been since I haven't written? I do not think quantify it is needed at this time. Probably the only correct thing right now is to ask excuse. I apologize to my fingers, which all too often have tried to communicate their need to alternate on the keys of a keyboard. I have to apologize also to that instinct which, in an absolutely discreet and modest way, tried to run over me. And this is it discretion, perhaps, to have made me experience this absence with serenity. She enabled me to cultivate this same lack and then let it blossom at the right time, understanding before me the need to experience (or relive) some sensations that perhaps I was in danger of forgetting.
Get naked
Writing, for me, has always meant getting naked and, often, it is not easy to do. Thanks also to the experience gained on this site, however, I understood how much the action of writing can be charged with multiple senses. Senses that in turn intersect, like roots, with those who are their own feelings and emotions and senses that are able to convey the need to create something for others and not so much for themselves. Communicating with an audience is noble as is the concept of sharing. Communicating with oneself, however, is complicated as well as painful at times. The keys become thorns, small but well pointed and we are afraid of the weight that every word and every letter can take.
Questioning - Writing and video games
So why didn't I write anymore? I have thought a lot about this question and the answer is probably only one. An answer that, however, has several ramifications within it. I think I have not written anymore because that emptiness that often came to be created inside me was filled by something else.
The relationship between writing and video games that's what brought me here about three years ago now. Videogame to write and write to videogame. A growth and maturation of one of my passions. A passion that grows with me and which, however, sometimes we have to deal with. A comparison that is good for both, to understand where you want to go. A bit like in a couple. Sometimes you need to be more distant, take your own space and miss the other and, sometimes, you need to be morbidly together, all day every day.
Getting scared - Writing and video games
All this, however, is not always dictated by internal conditions. There are so many factors that affect our lives and our passions. Unfortunately, we do not live only on passions and we need to lose sight of them to remember how important they are. In the last few months, maybe years, I've always been afraid to stray too far from my passion for video games. Both for that maturation process I mentioned earlier, and for the progressive lack of time to devote to it.
The beauty of passions, however, is that they know how to wait and never lose patience. Their love for us will not die and they will always know how to make us feel good, even if for a few minutes. They do not, by nature, have the aptitude to disappoint. We do, however, I do! For this reason I find myself writing now, to express my fear of disappointing. Disappointing not only her as a passion but also all those who place expectations in me, myself first and foremost.
Getting together - Writing and video games
I didn't write because I was playing.
Here is the answer I have been looking for so much. I didn't write because I rediscovered the pleasure of playing without any pressure. I didn't write why playing gave me everything I needed. Video games in recent months have given me back those sensations that, as a child first and then as a teenager, made me fall in love with the vehicle. An art form capable of getting under my skin and contaminating my soul.
It is not relevant what I have played, the important thing is that I have done it and that I continue to do it, in a phase of my life in which I indirectly decided to rediscover some things about myself. A pleasant and summery purgatory before a new and De Martiniana rebirth. A crisis of presence softened by blows of katana, penalty kicks, private investigations and AK-47 volleys.
Dear passion ...
How long have I not written? Probably, having reached the end of this text, only a few minutes or seconds ago. Writing and video games now they walk on the same track. A track that represents my life. Sometimes they meet, sometimes they travel side by side and sometimes they avoid looking at each other, aware, however, that they will never change lanes. I didn't write because I was playing and rediscovering that unconditional and complete love that a passion is able to offer. And now, in fact, I'll go back to playing and placing different keys under my fingers, I look at them and they seem to want to thank me with their slight tremble. They needed it. I needed it.
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